THE SUM OF MOTHERHOOD.
I’ve thought a lot recently about how on the journey of motherhood you gain so much whilst simultaneously losing many things at the same time.
And I’ve pondered on how to explain what do I mean by ‘the sum of motherhood’?
Let’s start with the things we gain.
There are so many beautiful additions when you become a mum & move through the transition of matrescence.
You have your new baby, which is like plus 100 mega points!
You gain perspective & appreciate the miracle of life.
You become steeped in unconditional love.
You gain patience you never knew you had.
You experience strength that knows no bounds.
But note, we don’t get all of these incredible things on day one. We certainly get the baby, but patience and perspective may take time to learn, create & nurture.
So what about the things we lose?
What do I mean - we lose things?
This part of the sum of motherhood is very personal & not the same for every mum. But many women feel, when they become a mother that things were taken away from them:
You lose control of many areas; your body, your emotions & hormones
You miss your social life, meeting friends & socialising.
You forgo your spontaneity & freedom
You lose your ability to earn money & pause your career
For me, the biggest thing I lost in those early seasons of motherhood was my social life.
I felt like part of me had been taken away. Seeing friends has been ‘minused’ from my life. I missed sharing stories & having fun on nights out. I had lost all the feelings I associated with the social side of my life; spontaneity, freedom, fun, laughing, being wild, losing control & sharing moments of joy.
& do you know what I missed the most that epitomises all of these feelings …it was dancing. I lost dancing.
Once I became a mum, dancing felt so far away. Like i’d never be lost on a dancefloor again. That feeling of complete freedom; music so loud, surrounded by your bestest friends & your new dance floor friends, arms in the air, feeling the music …total freedom.
If I’m honest, even if I did manage to leave the house post 7pm (which was not happening that often) I might make it to the pub for some food & a drink. But it was still a long way from that care-free, I don’t give a shit dancing that I honestly thought I’d maybe lost forever.
But back to the sum analogy…
The journey through modern day motherhood involves losing a lot but in turn, we gain loads. Matrescence is a long journey & so is the sum of motherhood.
There are big instant gains at the beginning, whilst other positives in the sum may take a while & the things you initially lose do come back over time. They might not look exactly the same - but they’ll return I promise.
& you'll gain other things you never saw coming; like emotional regulation, organisation, embracing imperfections & empathy.
So what’s the outcome in the sum of motherhood?
At points you’ll be in a minus, you’ll feel you’ve lost more than you’ve gained. You might even question was it worth it.
At other points you’ll feel full to the brim like you gained more than you ever might have lost.
But across the journey; when you get the things back you lost, plus all the things you gain - you’re definitely going to be up, and overall in the sum of motherhood will definitely be in a positive.
