I SWAPPED PERFECTIONISM FOR PROCRASTINATION.

I’ve been thinking about perfectionism in motherhood a lot.

Learning about perfectionism & how for some of us, when we become mothers, this side of our personality is magnified.

For me, I’ve always been in control, always organised stuff, got stuff done & done it well.

However, in motherhood - I feel like things are often out of my control. I was in free fall, in the early days of motherhood & I couldn’t second guess what was coming.

The perfectionist in me has always been there but it’s magnified in motherhood. As we lose control of so many things - the perfectionist in us feels harder to manage.

But with support, guidance & many conversations - it’s something I’ve worked on & definitely got better at understanding. Not everything needs to be perfectly planned or go perfectly. I’ll never forget my best friend telling me - ‘there needs to be cracks, it’s where the light comes in.’

Shedding the layers of control, I now allow the joy in. Navigating the days by how I feel, not what’s on the to-do list. Giving me the freedom to choose what we do, not what’s been planned.

I’ve come a long way.

But after some reflection, I’ve realised I traded perfectionism in for procrastination.

Aw fuck I thought to myself.

& as soon as I realised it - I could see it really clearly.

Things don’t need to be perfect anymore. I’m ok with that. But can I hell as make a decision.

So, instead of choosing one thing & agonising over it being perfect, I just don’t decide on a thing - wondering over & over which option would be better.

& I stay in this decision limbo, hamster wheel of life, considering my options for long periods. It consumes me & it is agonising.

I think so much about this or that, would that be better or this be better, would that work or would that work? What if I do this, will it be better than doing that? Is that the better option or would it better to do that? It goes on & on.

I end up not making a decision, for fear of making the wrong one.

I miss out on things.

I leave deadlines until the last minute & if I’m honest….

I think being in the decision limbo is worse than choosing one thing & trying to make it perfect.

So, I’m here baring my soul (I think that’s the right baring?!) for 2 reasons:

1. I’ve learnt if I share my story it becomes real. & I can take accountability & action to make changes.

2. I also know that if I’m feeling it - there’ll be someone out there who might be the same & my story might help them.

In acknowledging this, I have already taken action to actively make decisions & not be scared to use my voice. I am tuning into my gut & I know deep down what the right decisions are for me & my family.

So here’s to entering my ‘making decisions era’

Love B x