REFLECTIONS ON TURNING 40.

Time literally blows my mind. It always has.

My friends tease me about my obsession with time. Or specifically, my disbelief with it. And throwing kids into the mix heightens it even further - has the last year gone quick, or does our life last year feel like forever ago?

This year has been all about big birthdays.

Friends (& myself) turning 40 with massive celebrations here, there & everywhere - and I can’t help but ponder on how I’ve got to 40 & weirdly feel a bit different about things.

Putting me first. Arrghhh.

To celebrate the sun setting on my 30’s, my husband & I slipped away to London for a getaway without the little ones.

(Not easily if I’m honest - with babysitters, packed lunches, pick ups, school clubs, chocolate tombola’s & non-uniforms to remember!)

Feeling like us again.

I have to admit I do find it hard leaving the girls, I’m a worrier. But after 10 mins on the train I weirdly fall into life as the 2 of us again - which feels amazing.

Staying at The Shard, eating sushi, getting day-drunk on expensive champers & a spontaneous tattoo-trip. It was everything & more.

I went into the weekend feeling grateful & happy to be putting me first. I couldn’t feel more content. I live for these moments.

I FELT LOST & CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT MADE ME, ME.

Since becoming a mother I ponder on time a lot - how quickly it goes & looking back in disbelief that a life without kids ever existed.

The moment my daughter was born - my world changed.

I remember sitting with my baby, totally in love but missing that fun, outgoing, rave-loving version of myself. Was she gone forever? Did I even realise I wouldn't be her in this new season?

I constantly counted down to meeting myself again & doing what I used to do. I spent hours wondering when life would ‘get back to normal’.

The penny drop moment was when I realised I could have fun (the dancing, the parties I loved to go to with my friends, a long champagne lunch, the train on my own) but it didn't all need to be right now. My job was to mother & I didn’t realise at the time but my time would come.

WE GET TO BE ALL PARTS OF US.

As my eldest gets ready to turn 8 & I’ve turned 40 I’m looking at things differently - I’ve moved into a new season of matrescence.

Getting to be a mother & be me.

This summer, with my youngest now 4, it’s all about reliving some of those moments I loved so dearly in my pre-motherhood days, celebrating milestones with friends on islands I love & then loving coming home.

& it's not all about the parties. It's the same with a career, home, holidays, relationships, hobbies. Whichever element of your life you feel you've become disconnected with since becoming a mother, know that you can have it (or whatever you desire) again, but give yourself the grace to be in this current season.

Because the new version of yourself is the greatest becoming.

Time is weird, wild & wonderful.

If we give ourself the space to be in it, great things can happen.

I promise.

Massive love,

Beth ✌️

PS I'd love to know if this resonates with you & your experience. Drop me an email or slide into my DMs on Insta.